สวัสดีค่ะ (:

Good evening.

Currently, sitting in a very awkward feel in the living room to blog. I know, I’m weird. How can I feel awkward in my own house right? Right. Anyway, the only reason that I am currently in my living room, blogging out is because about 5minutes ago, the family decided to order take away and I am on ‘stand by’  to receive the food. I am so hungry now! The last meal I had was at like 1pm!

Anyway, the urge to update appeared out of the blue and here I am typing this out. A friend asked once why bother updating when no one reads anyway? I don’t know. Maybe writing or typing words keep me sane and life/thoughts organised It’s like a cheap therapeutic way of calming one soul. Don’t judge, everyone is different. At least I am not junking on food or staring in space and let the mind control the brain and all the unnecessary thoughts jumbled together to give me that hazy fuzzy feel about life.

So . . . my life since the last updated post has been . . . challenging. I think I have been using the word ‘challenging’ tad too much for my liking. I mean, I can use words such as difficult or tough but I feel that it’s not difficult, it is just challenging. Like I feel that if I am to use the word difficult, it just has that negative feel and I probably get through my days every day with ease. Challenging is more like of a challenge, where if I can complete the challenge, I achieve something and that feeling I get is pleasant, positive kind of feel. So yes, my days/life have been challenging. I am not complaining, really. If I am complaining, I have already begin ranting at the start of this post.

SAMSUNG CSC

Any oh how, I had a short mini trip out of the challenging days. A trip to Bangkok with Jouie, a day after term 1 ended. It was a really nice, relaxing, chilling 7 days trip (despite of the hot sun but I had fun under the sun). We were really taking our time to go places, shopping, eating, dreaming, sleeping, chilling during our trip. And the hotel that we stayed at was fabbbbbbbb! A total recommendation from me to you (whoever is reading this anyway). The hotel is Berkeley Hotel at Pratunam. A newly built and opened only last year, everything about the hotel is good. Nothing much to complain about (except that they need to have more variety for the breakfast [but there are already a lot –  from western to asian food; and they will have one counter where everyday, the menu for that particular counter changed according to whichever they are serving]). The hotel services are excellence and everyday we come back to clean towels and really really neat made beds (as if it was our first day entering our room). So yes, check the hotel out if you guys are heading to Bangkok. Currently, my favourite hotel out of all the hotels I have been to  (whether it is in Bangkok or other places).

So the trip ended with a bittersweet note. Sweet because we had totally kind of max our leave and had the best relax days since the start of the year and bitter because leave is ending and work was coming. Bangkok will one of the few places that I will frequent now and the future! (oh ya, no riots or protests when we were there. It was kind of funny because everyone there were like ‘you came at the right time. The protest just stopped’ and we were ‘yeah…..’ because we don’t really know how to react to that, you see).

So term 2 is here or rather, the ongoing term. Challenged days had gone by and challenging days coming up. The current motivation for me to go through the challenging days is the upcoming summer trip! Really excited and I still can’t believe I have already book my flights! A pity as of now that I can sit and research on the things I want to do. Work is piling and other personal commitments (like losing weight, watching my diet, planning winter and 2015 trips, strengthening all sort of relationships with people [family included] are also piling. Fret not, Insyallah, everything will be done soon and I can sit down and do some research for summer!

So … I was reading this post again and there is really no main agenda of this entry. I just felt the need to just log in and type something because yeah, too many things in the mind.

So till then,
toodles

 

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dreams of expectations.

A friend asked me once, what are my dreams in life? 

It’s an unanswered questions then and I suppose, the question remained unanswered till now. I don’t remember wishing or constructing big dreams. I don’t have a full force concrete dreams that I want to achieve in life, that someday or rather, one day, I will say that this is the dream that I have been wanting since ages ago. I don’t have that and I don’t see a point of having that dream.

Some says, if you don’t have dreams in life,  you can’t go anywhere. 

I think it’s okay not to have big dreams. I think my dreams are what I called little goals. You know, the little goals you make in that period of time for you to chase and achieve it. Maybe I do not understand the concept of big dreams and I probably, won’t feel that satisfaction feeling one will have upon achieving their dreams. I guess, I go through in life with the concept of those little things that make life completes. I like making small little dreams, small enough for me to achieve within that short period of time. I like that feeling I get when I achieve these little things and some of these feelings I get, are personal feelings that I keep to myself. I like it. Maybe loving it even more.

I think this is pretty much the reason why every time someone ask me what I am going to do after graduation, I do not have any answer. I have always wanted to be a teacher. I mean, back in primary school, every time someone ask me what I want to be when I grow up, teacher seems to the first answer that I gave then. Doctor or nurse, aren’t my thing because I just don’t know how to deal with blood and stuff. Then I remembered I wanted to be a journalist but my language command is really CMI (cannot make it). And after that, I have no idea what I want to do. I completed my necessary education of primary and secondary school. I randomly choose 12 choices of courses after O levels and got into some property course that I learned and quite enjoyed some parts of it for three years. Then, I decided that property is not my game and am doing a degree in Psychology. Just because. Maybe because of interest back then and heck of curiosity. And this interest and curiosity cost me almost S$60k. Worth it? Yes. It’s probably the closest thing in my life that it is something that I wanted to do in my life.

I haven’t had that freedom of doing the things I want to do. But what exactly do i want to do? If time permits and nothing else in the world matter, just being alone in some place that I can relax and chill for a month. It seems like nothing much of the “things I want to do”. But living in this era, in this country, this is something close to paradise.

Eight more months and I am done with school. I am excited for the fact that I am going to be done with the necessary education and I cannot wait to spend that month with awesome people and awesome places. I really want to get this done and over with and I really want to go to whatever I am going after that. I want this so bad, I am going crazy by the minute.

Eight more months. Two modules, one crazy research and one thesis to be done.

Eight more months.

till then,
toddles

>3 more days!

>

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Few more hours to go before the first paper. This time around, I am very relax and it’s not good because it clearly shows how much I am confident for the paper. Relax is not a good thing because I have no idea how much I revised for the paper. Hohseh. I think I dead.

ALL THE BEST JCU PSYCHOLOGY MAJORS FOR EXAMS TOMORRRRROW. GOOD LUCK IS MUCH NEEDED TO ME AND TO ALL!

P/s: I NEED MY LIFE BACK.

till then,
toodles

>SICK

>

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I AM GOING TO SURVIVE TOMORROW FROM MORNING TILL NIGHT! I HAVE TO DESPITE OF BEING SICK IN THE MIND, THE IMMUNE SYSTEM AND THE HEART.
STATS, PLEASE BE NICE.
AND WEATHER, PLEASE STOP FOOLING AROUND.
LOVELIES, I LOVE YOU (:
till then,
toodles