>student life motto

>

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My current life motto as a student. No, I think this has been my motto since primary school? I don’t know but somehow, procrastination works for me. Whatever luhhh.

One more month and it will be exams. I am currently in the mad phase #1 of completing the final assignments for the semester. One essay, one report and one presentation to go before I can conclude the mad phase #1. Following which is mad phase #2 where I will passionately read my books and notes for the upcoming war between me and the papers.

It’s a crazy world out there.

cr: tumblr

Because of the things currently going on, trust is basically out of the question. You use to say to say it will be forever but it was you again who prove it all wrong. You used to my role model, I don’t think I can look up to you right now. I like and love you when you were like before. Maybe I will still do look up to you except that I have to look at you and imagine how you were when I was 12. I still love you, and it’s because we are family, I will treat you all the same.

till then,
toodles

>Mid April

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Time is passing us by like #)*@!)#*)@!#*!!! It’s already mid April and then end of April and hello May. OMG. OMG. I got no time, no time to breathe. Assignments and presentation datelines are coming and exams too. Two or so more weeks of lectures and tutorials and then study break and oh hello Exams, nice meeting you, AGAIN. Tsk.

I had a rather eventful life for the past weeks. From bad to bad news plus good news and bad news again, it just won’t stop. I treat myself to the salon and cut my short. Then again, I think the length is neither here or there and I might just make it even shorter if I just can’t stand it any longer. I haven’t really been updating about my life over here because I really have no idea what to update other than ” I woke up in the morning and go to school and maybe complaint that lectures can be boring and then go home and watched tv and sleep ” and the routine continues. I am pretty much having some form of routine. It’s not that I am hating it, I am loving it. In fact, this could be the first time I am admit to myself that I don’t mind having a routine schedule. That being said, I will probably have a different view on this, say like next week or something.

I wish that some people will just stop asking me what I will be doing after my degree. At least don’t ask until it’s the end of 2011 or the start of 2012. Until then, I have no idea what I want to settle in with and if you really want to ask me now, my answer is I don’t know, probably spent my time travelling. And I am really serious about it. Don’t even ask me why. I have this sort of mentality that I want to do what I want to do, no matter what. And it’s not about whether I haven’t give a thought about it. I have actually put my heart, my mind, my soul and my stomach thinking about it and have a set of possibilities. It’s just a matter what I really want at the end of it. So yeah, that’s pretty much an update about my future in case kepo people wants to know.

I will be busy, till 9th June 2010.
You can still ask me out if you want, it’s just the matter whether I want to answer the call or reply to sms or just making time to go out unless I am the one who actually initiate to call you out. And no, I am not avoiding anyone or being picky about who to go with. I am just busy, packed with hell assignments and hellicious examinations that”s coming right after that.

till then,
toodles

>I thought.

>

crs: tumblr

And I thought I had it all planned, but I was wrong.

It’s that time of life again, seriously. 

till then, 

toodles

>the Ends & the Beginnings

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2009 was the end and the beginning of the chapters in my life. The year, itself, is filled with thousands of memories, both good and bad, and was definitely filled with strong emotions that some of which was hard to handle. To sum up my 2009, it had been a roller coaster ride.

I started out my first day in 2009 with KBBG where we had the birthday surprise for our dear friend who happens to be my best friend, Su’aidah. It was an awesome night and since then, activities never stop pouring in for me. It was the start to prepare the end of my diploma journey and the start to prepare for a new beginning.

I rewarded myself with a trip to Malaysia with the bandclique in March. It was the first overseas trip I had with friends and definitely something on the calender to remember for quite awhile. Enjoyed my time there, and 5 days seem short and I wished it was longer. Although it is just Malaysia, when you are out of Singapore, any where is just fine.

2009 was the year I had graduated from Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in Property Development and Facilities Management in hand. Awesome friends made, memories created definitely. That was the start of the perhaps most difficult moment of my life in 2009. That was the period where decisions were to be made, where rejections were hard to handle and the only thing I ever wanted to do at that point of time was to hide under a rock and not face the world.

But of course, I didn’t hide under the rock or something like that. I convinced the elders about other alternative routes that I had been looking into and planning to take. And hell yeah, I am glad I did.

2009 was the year I enrolled myself in James Cook University, taking bachelor of Psychology. It was a big switch from my diploma and it took me quite sometime to change and adapt from practical studies to much more theoretical studies. And the very first friend I made there was Miss Goh Shu Xian who till now never fail to amuse me. (: Since then, the journey in JCU had started and many more memories to create with the newly found friends of 2009.

The last month of 2009 was drama-filled. I lost my grandfather that month in the midst of my hectic busy schedule of school and rehearsals. It was a great loss for my family and I only felt the impact of this loss a week later or so. But I am moving on, my grandma is finally moving on. So I guess everything’s good. I kind of miss the family when we were together though. It was definitely a rare moment and I hope to have such gathering more in future.

To wrap up my December and the last month of 2009, I had 2 performances with the Philharmonic Youth Winds. My interest in music kind of died somewhere along the depression route but I am glad I still stick to Philyouth. Classiques, Extreme! was a great concert from my point of view. I enjoyed myself a lot before, during and after the performance. This time around, I got closer to my section and even closer to my friends. They are bunch of wonderful people to be with.

This year, I couldn’t help but to fall into the Korean Music world. It was hard not to fall into it because most of the drama I was hooked on have at least one actor/actresses who is also a singer. And yes people, I am not that crazy over this Korean thing. It’s just an addiction (: My current love is SHINee and I love them very much! And I have this feeling that I won’t get out of this for a long period of time. So please, pardon me for me this.

2009 was all about the ending and the beginning. It was about letting go and picking the pieces where it was left. It was about knowing who I am and what I want to do in my life. It was the questions and answers that I was asking and searching for. It was a test of any form of relationship – from friendship to kinship to a probably impossible relationship. It was one of the toughest period of my life and I am glad that I managed to pull myself through the ordeals. Change is inevitable. I have no idea whether I had become a better person or a worse person. All I know that I had changed in one way or another and it doesn’t really matter whether some people can accept it or not.

I am thankful for the people I have in my life – from family to friends. Thank You are merely two words that are being used over and over again from me to you but these words can never do it justice on how much I want to express my thanks towards all of them. I had lost a friend or two and made new friends too. Although some won’t last forever, I am just happy that they had been or still am part of my life.

Thank You all for the memories created in 2009 (:

Now that 2009 is over, I wonder what 2010 has installed for me. I wonder how I am going to spend this year. I wasted some good months in 2009 and I hope I had learnt not to do it again in 2010. With that, GOODBYE 2009 AND HELLO 2010!

Surprise me 2010.

Happy New Year & Cheers to all!

till then,

toodles (: 

>the busy feeling

>

Saturday’s evening was spent at Charles’ place for his 21st. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAT!  It was nice to see the familiar faces that haven’t been seen for a very long time. The food was goooooood, I like! Spent most of the time there catching up with each other, updating each other on the pleasant, annoying, happy, sadness, random things that had occurred in our respective life. Overall time spent there was gooooood. Next up will be at Pei Shan’s 21st. (:

Sunday was equally good. It’s Philyouth day! Had sectionals (like FINALLY) before combined today. I like like the section’s sound (: Enjoyed myself throughout the sectionals time. No pressure, just plain music making. Love my section deeps! By the time it was combined, I was zonked out. Was practically stoning and just can’t wait for it to be over because I was just tired. Met up with the usuals after practice for dinner. Fauzi drove. So had dinner at Tanjong Pagar and randomly suggestion to Marina Barrage. We did and I was glad. It was my first time there, and I was contented. Would love to go again! Headed back home after which.

I just looked through my organiser and there are so many things that are going to happen and need to do. Just too many. I enjoyed having the feel of busy but it is usually around this period that my mood is dangerously high and low. It is during this period where I will be missing sleep much ):

It used to be so easy to pick up the phone and dial your number to have a conversation or two. To talk about you and me, problems, thoughts or feelings. It used to be so simple. Right now, it takes me a lot of courage to do so. I miss those times of course. But I just wonder whether a change has taken place in our respective lives for the past few months that this had to happen. Sometimes I know you, sometimes I don’t. I just miss you, that’s all.

Sociology tomorrow, both tutorial and lecture. 9AM, bummer.

till then,
toodles

>halfway there

>

I am contented, as of now (:

School had started and I am trying to get myself to get use to the school routines again. My timetable is sort of finalised. Will be having school on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday and I am only taking 3 modules this semester.3 modules shouldn’t be that bad since it is only 3 modules and that school only takes up 3 days a week and should use the remaining days to mug. Sociology is so …. and Describing & Analyzing Human Behaviour sounds like a nice module but it is actually statistics. Statistics spells dread. I am dreading it. Then again, it is just 3 modules and I shouldn’t complain much. 3 modules – this time, I have to get a good sense of management. REALLY.

Went for a swim today and I felt real good about it. The time spent on swimming definitely make me more sane than I ever was. Not that I am insane, just that I managed to sort of the thoughts that were swimming in my brain.

I realise that some things are just meant to be the way they are. I like the way things are between the two of us. I had love you as a friend or probably more than that. But whatever it is, whatever had happened, I still do love you, as my friend. Change is inevitable. But change is also adaptable. I am giving myself a chance to adapt to this change and I hope you will too. It takes two hands to clap and right now, I need yours.

I am seriously missing the usuals and the boys. ):
miss much.

Love has the power to hurt and to heal.
whatever.

till then,
toodles

>take that.

>It’s been awhile since I met up with the two boys -Nicholass and Darren.
It was short-long meet up with the awfully usual fun and laughter we had. It was more of Darren’s life in SAF band and Nicholas who is anticipating for NS and the usual comparison of the height among the three of us. It was basically just a simple dinner affair turned walking down to PS and then MS in the search of Nich’s stuff with random talks in between. It was a great meet up (:

This part onwards, you can probably just skip it.

The world is getting crazy or maybe it’s just me. Or I should just blame how my mind works.The past few days had been crazy. And no, it’s not about the holiday fever. It had been so crazy, my brain starts its wonders again. I find it getting more crazier this time but then again, it’s probably how my brain works. This is to the extend that I think I am having some minor bipolar disorder.

Yes, that crazy.

For once, I thought I had lost my sanity in the midst of thinking and analysing my life situation. But of course, I didn’t. It’s just the matter of me getting over some facts of life. The truth hurts darling but welcome to life. I reckon if I don’t get over these feeling of hurt, my life will just be at another state of darkness. Also, if I don’t accept the truth, I am probably or maybe I am living in denial.

I guess getting in touch with our inner personal feelings is tough. What more talking about it? I personally really feel that it takes a lot of courage to do so. It took me months to actually questioned myself about this and it’s nasty, the feelings I mean. It’s overwhelming till I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. This being said, I am still not 100% truthful with what I am actually feeling. Truth hurts, that’s why.

Humans – they always put up a brave front while they are actually going crazy inside.

Enough said, I need to get some sleep before my brain starts to wonder again.

till then,
toodles

>never will.

>I don’t understand why and probably will never understand why. I came to a point where I shouldn’t be bothered anymore and had enough of this “chase”. I realise that you had changed and probably will never be the same again. I may not be able to accept you now but that being said, I don’t know when I can accept who you are right now. I had asked around and myself whether the wait is worth it, but then again, you had prove me that this wait is getting nowhere. I guess I had enough of waiting, I should probably let go. But just to let you know, letting go is not as easy as saying it. As weird as it may be, you are probably one of the people who had mess up someone’s life and then left them to clean up the mess you had created. And they would be probably go “Where did I go wrong?”.

It’s has always been I or You. It has never been We.

>Study

>

I have been thinking hard for the past few days, and nothing seems to make sense in my mind. I don’t know whether it’s good or bad, for I am famous among my friends to have weird, nonsensical and only once in a blue mood to have a logical and sensible thoughts.There are of course things that I wish I didn’t think about because it will be a major distraction to me, especially now that exams is just around that one corner. Then again, thinking is constant in life. It’s either you think of something or nothing. Either way, that’s considered thinking.

The mugging drive has finally came knocking on my head and creeping in my soul. I am beginning to feel the sense of urgency and the love to mug my hearts out tonight, tomorrow and the days to come. I never felt this way before. Okay, that’s a lie. The last time I mugged so hard was Year 2, semester 1 and afterwhich, the motivation drive died on me because it was exhausting to memorise things that I hated back then. Apart from the year 2 memory, the last time where I had diligently mug my heart and soul out was outside the General Office at Bedok North Secondary school for the O levels every, or almost, Singaporean kids have to go through.

Apparently, I am stuck at anthropology as of tonight. I have no idea why because there are apparently no direction for me to study. I am just reading through the slides and trying to make it more sensible in the form of essays and stuff like that. I don’t know whether this is even the right method to study anthropology. Sucks but true. I love brain and behaviour and as of now, that’s the only module I am confident in. I am still waiting patiently and frustratingly for Dr Richard’s reliable and most wanted hints for Psychology 1 and 2. So for now, I shall put my focus on the anthropology and brain and behaviour.

I am heading to school tomorrow to settle the fees and hand up the research participation paper. And then head home to sleep and mug more before heading out to meet Wendy for a short shopping spree. (:

Good night world.

till then, 
toodles

>time.

>Everyone seems to be caught up in their own life. Busy in the things they are into – Be it work, school or just hanging out with friends. They are too busy or maybe too engrossed in their own world that they sometimes forget that there are other things waiting for them. But isn’t by the time they realise it, it will be too late? And what comes after that are only regrets?

Puzzles – life’s full of them.
It’s up to us to figure it out.

I don’t know why, but I am looking forward for Oct 4th. Then again, I am not expecting much. It may just be another outing with friends and maybe catch up a little or two. After all, the past “gatherings” have always been a two people affair. Thinking of which, me and Wendy haven’t fully plan the details of it.

12 more days to exams and I am still taking my time to study. I don’t know whether it’s good or bad. But it’s within my pace and I seems to like it. It’s just a matter of whether I am able to finish it and I hope to complete it of course.

I had been calling, been messaging and there’s no reply. And I really wonder why. Are you that busy? 

10 more days to Hari Raya and I can’t wait! For the food, for the joy and everything nice 😀

I should get some sleep now. Good night world.

till then,
toodles