Of appreciation and,

I usually have the habit of updating this space when I am usually overseas in either June or December. And it usually on the night before I depart for home or on the day itself. This time round, even with the ample time I have to update, I decided not to. I realised that I am, at times, too dependent on the technology, thinking about the things I want to update that I had forgotten to immersed myself with the present and let the emotions of that moment to beautify itself. So this time round, I decided to put the post on hold and just breathe and go with the flow of the trip that I had.

Surprise, surprise. This #summer2014, I decided to “let go” the wanting to go back to Seoul and try out some place new. I had been to Italy years back and I remembered loving the culture there. Jannah and her mum were planning to go back to the Netherlands to visit their relatives and they had invited to follow. And after the financial planning, and letting go of the wanting to go back to Seoul, I decided to take up the invitation and follow them to Netherlands. But I wasn’t there entirely for 2 weeks. I decided that since I am heading to Europe anyway, I should visit one country that I had always wanted to go. London, the United Kingdom. And so, with all the advices I could get from all different friends that I have (which I am really thankful for! love you guys so much!), and the planning, and financial part, my #summer2014 trip was planned! To London for 5 days, and the rest of the days in the Netherlands (which I had visited a couple of provinces that the country had to offer me with all the exciting Dutch stuff!) and a day at Antwerpen, Belgium (which I am really thankful for Aunty Ingrid for driving us there for a day!).

I was ecstatic! I really don’t know what to feel, really. I was just so excited because I was really looking forward to visit London and I wasn’t disappointed! Despite of the expensive transport and food (which I don’t really care much, because hey! I am in London!), I had really enjoyed being there. It’s a pity because 5 days were really too short to explore the whole of London (and I had wished I had planned to go other parts of UK, but maybe another time; like next year maybe?). I went to places that I wanted to go. I LOVE LOOKING AT BIG BEN. I know, I sound crazy. But I spent like an hour or so at that bridge looking at Big Ben and the surrounding. The weather was perfect. Cold with the touch of the heat of the sun. (I wore shorts on some days, but whatever, the weather was awwwwweeessoome!). And zomg, I went to Warners Bros Studio for Harry Potter. I WAS A TOTAL FAN GIRL. I couldn’t control my over pouring of emotions when I was there. I was not disappointed! I mean, they could have more things but whatever they have there is already enough to enlighten my fan girl moments. Took the city bus tour to have the overview feel of London as we lacked of “more time to explore” and the tour just gave me the “I need to come back to London again!” feels. And which of course, I really hope I have another chance of going there again. Insyaallah. (:

So that was London and the next stop was the Netherlands. I had a nice accommodation stay with Jannah’s aunty and she is a lovely lady with so much general knowledge of the world. She’s so hipped and cool and I don’t know, she’s just an awesome lady. Aunty Ingrid is so awesome, I think anyone who meet up with her will love her for who she is. Her house is in Utrecht, a province in Netherlands. It’s about 30 to 40 mins train ride to Amsterdam and Rotterdam and about 2 hours drive to Antwerpen, Belgium. Netherlands gave me another perspective of life. I had learned so much from there; from life choices and decisions, to experiences of people of different nations/life. Some things I learned are directly being told to me but most of the things I had learned, are from the walks, and the talks and the observing of people there (whether I had directly or indirectly in contact with them). Oh, I had also went to Volendam where the windmills are, as well as the cheese factory and their traditional Dutch shoes factory. The trip to Netherlands is more of the chilling and taking our time kind of trip. I love Amsterdam, I like Utrecht. Each places offered different sides of the Netherlands and everything is so unique. And zomg, World Cup fever was on when I was in Netherlands. I can totally feel the world cup fever gushing and running through the blood of the people of Netherlands. The country spirit was awesome. They won two games (I watched both games!) and the town was literally in orange in support of their national team! They were cheering, and celebrating (there was even like fireworks in Utrecht after they won the first game!). It was really cool to be part of this. It’s like woah, totally cool!

Unlike going to Seoul, I was kind of looking forward to go home at the end of the trip. Don’t get me wrong. I had tons of fun during this trip. Then again, every trip offers different memories, different experiences and you learn something different. I was looking forward to home on the positive side of life. I couldn’t wait to see my parents and tell them what I had learned, see, experience. This trip had taught me so many things that one cannot learn from the books. I began to develop this feeling of appreciation towards people in my life, especially to those who had played a significant role in my life, whether from the earlier days or currently. Regret accompanied this appreciation feels because there are some people who I took for granted or some who I did not express my gratitude or appreciation or whatever to them.

This feeling of appreciation that developed in me was so huge, that at times, I am overwhelmed with this discovery. I am a woman with little words (I know; boring). I hardly give compliments as well as receiving them (I don’t know, I am just not use to people complimenting me. I am just a plain Jane. Maybe even boring, but you get what I mean). I usually say nasty things or straight to your face kind of thing. I hardly express my appreciation or happiness to people. I see expression of feelings as the crumbles to the wall I had built around me for the past years. And I always believe in independence of one responsibility to life. Then, I realised, it sucks to be alone. I had been alone almost all my life, I think it’s time to open up a little of the wall to let someone come in. This is getting complicated. I will save this explanation another time. This topic is too deep for me and even thinking about it makes me kind of emotional. I have friends, wonderful friends who are there for me. I talked to them about this and sometimes I feel that I should let things out even more. Because I feel that if you let things out from whatever you are holding on to and it’s not that worth it to do so, you will feel much much, extremely better than before. And of course, say a little prayers to thank your Creator (in which whatever religion you believe in). Little prayers come in a long way, you may not see it now but somehow you know that He always listen. (:

Pretty long update. And I am looking forward for more. There are just so many things going through the head now. HAHAHA.

till then,








On a night like this,

(picture credits: wallsave)


Thousands of thoughts, came running to the mind.

Grasping and catching, the thoughts that are mine.

With feelings and emotions, riding and pouring out,

Would you look into my eyes, and tell me that everything will be alright?

Soft, whimpering whispers, of prayers being said,

The heart cracks a little, of what is being prayed.

Hoping and wishing, on the thread of hope,

With all these heartfelt prayers, a miracle is craved.



Bring me flowers

2014-01-31-20-10-23_deco2013 adventures in 4 seasons.
Bangkok, Seoul, Beijing, Seoul
(Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter)


OMG. I am just so bad at updating the space. Like, I have ten thousands of inspirations since December 25th to log in and typed everything that was running through my head but just didn’t do so just because I am busy. Terrible bad excuse I am telling you first. Busy is just so common nowadays to use as an excuse; whether it’s for personal or social time or whatever. Personally hate to use busy as an excuse but well, sometimes I have to, I guess. The minute I had reached Singapore on December 25th, after the awesome short meet up slash breakfast with Finah (because she’s such an angel and awesome friend of mine who picked me up in the morning [my flight reached Singapore at 6am btw] and we had starbucks for breakfast), I am back to work. Literally, in the forms of emails and planning and catching up my breath with personal and social life, which was not that bad considering that I am okay with being busy and packed schedule because I hate doing nothing except when I am on vacation/holiday. But in the midst of “being busy“, I had missed having my me time.

And so, we bid farewell to 2013 just about a month and 9 days ago. 2014 is a brand new year. 365 days of memories waiting to be created, life choices and decisions to be made, mending broken relationships, letting go of things, people, memories. A brand new year where opportunities are waiting for you to do what you want to do and what you want to achieve.

To be  honest, I am excited. I can’t remember when was the last time I am actually excited for a brand year. But yes, I am excited for 2014. I don’t really know why but I have this feeling a lot of things are going to take place and changes are expected. Both the good and bad, of course. And I think 2014 will be the year of changes. Like lots of changes. And plus, I am going to be in my mid 20s this year (25 years old, in case you can’t count). Like really. Can’t believe time just flew by like that. Fly ~

I haven’t exactly set down the goals I wanted to achieve this year but already have a few that I am determined to achieve it. Some goals in 2013 was put on hold last year and I am bringing the goals in 2013 in the hopes that I can fulfill it by the time the year ends. There are so so many things I want to do in 2014, I don’t know where to start. I had learned so much in 2013, I can’t wait to put some of the things that I have learned into good use.

One thing that I had learned in 2013, I really need that time alone with myself. A break from everything and everyone. That moment when I am really alone, my mind actually clears up and I can think clearly with whatever issues I was facing at that point of time. A bit sad, in a way because only when I am alone, I realised the actual issue(s) that I have in me. And then it’s kind of a little weird, because usually when you are alone, stupid thoughts will attack you and you can’t breathe and then you will be finding people to talk to and all. Yes, I know that feeling. I have that all the time whenever I am facing issues in life. But I realize, being alone means I can be one with myself and somehow I am able to construct whatever I had issues with and seeing them myself. I can’t solve everything alone of course but being one with myself, I am able to understand myself better. Like really better with no influences from other people (which is not really a bad thing, really). It’s lonely but I have been alone since like  forever. So being alone isn’t that bad. Then again, being lonely and being alone are totally different things. So I like being alone (even though I get the lonely feels sometime).

I have so many people to thank to who had/have been there for me in 2013. I don’t think I was able to get through the start of 2013 without the help of these people. My 2013 started really bad and all I want to do is hide and do nothing at all. It got really bad a few months after that. Things only start to pick up at the second half of the year which I am really thankful for. I don’t really remember how I manage to even pull through 2013 but I really glad I did. Plus the deserving trip I had to Seoul in December, it was a nice wrap up to my 2013.

Okay here goes (even though I have no idea who reads my blog anyway but I am just going to post this anyway).

The thank you list (in no particular order)

  1. Jouie, Jasmine, Merilyn. Thank you for being there from the start of us being in PL. I have no idea what I will do without you girls. I get my strength and motivation from you to get through the days in school and to be a better person, a better teacher for my students. Sorry for the annoyance and random nonsense that I always do but that will still be continued in 2014 and I know you girls don’t really mind anyway, I am such a great entertainer (with Jouie)! Cheers to this friendship formed and may we get better and stronger in the year ahead! LOVE YOU GIRLS PLENTY! ^^
  2. Mr. David. For being the most awesome dad a girl could ever have. I think I wouldn’t be here without your ultimate support and motivation and your fabulous upbringing for me. I love how you make me independent by letting me having a space of my own and only to intervene when you feel that I’m doing things out of hand. I sincerely appreciate of the advices that you gave and continue to give and I really love that you have vast general knowledge of anything that I can think of. Thank for you being there for me all these while. I love you daddy! (:
  3. Moses’ Daughter (Amina Maisara). Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being a dear friend to me. Thank you for guiding me back to the path that I should be heading and reminding me that it’s okay to question and be curious about my faith. For being there from the start of my career journey and keeping my nonsense secrets from the world. You are one of my treasured friend Amina and I am planning to keep you in my life till Jannah (InsyaAllah) ^^ .
  4. Detective/Partner in Crime (Finah). Despite of our age differences, it was never an issue when you and I sit down and talk. Just talk about you and me, about our differences in life, about the struggles and challenges, about the fun and adventurous things that happen, about the past, the present and the future, about everything under the sun. I had always enjoyed our conversations. And our investigations skills are almost flawless when combined! I am looking forward for more adventures in whatever our life brings us to or what we bring to our life. Love you lil’ girl! 😀
  5. Ng Cai Yu (CY). You are one of my juniors that I still keep in touch with and one of the juniors that I know (and feel) that our bonding together just get better as days passed. There so many things that I have learnt from you. You have no idea how you actually inspired me in some aspect of my life. I am still learning and I am not the best person that you can talk to for advices and such. But I will be here in 2014 and the years after like how I think I have been there for you in 2013 and the years before. I will cheering you on your life journey towards achieving your goals. And hey, if you need anyone to just talk, I am just a phonecall away (: (p/s: and of course, our love for the two boys theogun <3)
  6. Maimunah. Like Finah, our age differences doesn’t mean anything between you and me. Like Cai Yu, you are one of my juniors that I still keep in touch with and one of the few that I am close to. Despite of your nonsensical childish self, you are a wonderful young lady who have yet to discover your calling in life and believe me when I say, you are much more mature than me in some aspect of life. I haven’t been there for you as much as I would like to but I am always here if you need me. And we still have to sit down together to talk and settle what you need to do to take that one step forward towards what you want to do in life. We had an adventure in 2013, looking forward for next. (:
  7. Raihan, Farzanah. The two have no idea how much you girls make a difference in my life. I love the two of you (even though I hardly express my love to the two of you). I always enjoy our time together despite of our numerous failed outings like going to the movie ends up going to eat instead and stuff like that. Although you girls spam the group chat like there’s no tomorrow, I don’t really mind because you guys make the day better with your nonsenses (: I am glad we are still together after leaving DD. Thank you for being there in 2013 and let’s continue to have a blast in 2014 and the years after! ^^  (p/s: Farzanah, 선생님 asked when are we going back for class!)
  8. 영현언니. 보고싶어 ): Thank your for your hospitality during my stay (almost all) in Seoul. In December last year where we spent a lot of time together, I have learned so much from you – from being a young lady, to achieving goals, to become a better person. So many things that you have indirectly taught me everything I am in Seoul. We got closer as time goes on and your random occasional texts always make me smile and miss you more. I can’t wait to see you again 언니! Keep in touch and time will pass till I see you again! 많이 감사합니다! 사랑해!

These are some of the people that I want to thank. Please don’t be mad. There are many other people who have made my 2013 lovely and I am sorry if you are not being mentioned. But really, for those who have made 2013 awesome, thank you so much. I hope 2014 will be a blast for all of us!

SAMSUNG CSCHad adventures with friends, work and self in 2013. Used up most of my leave for friends and personal trip last year. I am not sure how 2014 travels will go about. Definitely lesser than last year I assumed. But definitely going back to the usual place in December, I guess. I don’t really know because I am the kind of person who will just go with the flow. Depending on financial, flight and accommodation availability and of course, spontaneity, I will go wherever I think I will want to go at that moment in time. So surprise me 2014, surprise me. And of course, the plans that had been crafted earlier, I am coming after you.

And of course, in 2014, it’s all about the #gojer attitude or #justgo attitude.

till then,

Say something

It’s that time of the year again, where I  am all alone, sitting somewhere with a cup of coffee and my macbook. Just a year ago, I had done this, somewhat, end of year entry in Seoul. To be exact, at one my favourite spot in Seoul. Wanted to do that again this year, but I had spent the last night at a new found favourite spot up in that Namsan tower with a cup of green tea latte. Urm, yeah if you had read between the gibberish words I had typed, I am in Seoul right now. To be exact, at Incheon Airport, waiting for my flight to go back to the sunny (but currently rainy) Singapore.

HAHA. I don’t know who really reads my space here but for those of you who do, yes, I have been frequently flying to Seoul for the past 2 years or so. Please, don’t ask me why. If you have that one favourite place out of your own country but despite of exploring another place, you just want to go back to that favourite place of yours, would you? I don’t know about you but that’s what I am all about. And please, before the lectures of wasting money and time about going back to the same place, I have heard it over and over again. So just forget about lecturing me about this, alright?

Anyway, one thing strikes off my bucket list. Really all out solo this round. This solo trip was born out of the impulsive spontaneous mind of mine that I just want to book a trip to Seoul in December just when I had came back from Seoul in June. Yes, that impulsive. Do I regret it? No.

I had enjoyed every single moment of my time here. I had the chance to be alone because after all the months of being with people, I need that space to be alone. Yes, I can be alone in Singapore but people will eventually find you and Singapore is kindda small and you will just bump into people, especially when you shared the same favourite place. Getting out of the country was an option for me. I had been wanting to do this for ageeessss. And I glad I did it. And this won’t be the last solo trip.

It’s rejuvenating, really. Exploring by yourself in this cool winter season. And what did I do this round? Basically… nothing. Just relaxing, chilling, walking around, sleeping at home, exploring here and there, café hopping and thinking. Yes, been thinking alone. Been reflecting about my environment and myself. Revisiting my goals and dreams. Been doing that “self” finding moments here in Seoul.

And it’s nice you know, be lost in the crowd where no one knows you and you can just be whoever you want at that moment. And the faces you see, the people you hear talking, everyone has their own stories in that crowd, and you don’t exactly know what they are or who they are. I like being lost in that crowd, because people don’t know me and vice versa. It’s like an escape from being yourself for a while and you let yourself be guided by the crowd to wherever you need to go.

I have about 20 mins before my flight is being called. I really hope to find some time when I am back in Singapore to blog whatever I had felt and thought about during my 2 weeks stay here in Seoul. And I think I am pretty determined to do so before 2014 arrives.

With all the rushing of repacking of my things, Merry Christmas everyone!

This is crazy,

(credits to tumblr)


It’s been ages since I last logged in to wordpress despite of the urges to sit down and type the chunks and chunks of words that have been running through my mind. I have been busy, period. I did logged in a couple of times but my mind just went zzaapppped! and nothing comes in mind to blog things out. Since I have the time now and the huge urge to blog, might as well.

Life has been busy. (Have I mentioned that already?) It’s pretty much about working and work and nothing much about the personal and social parts of it. 2013 so far, has just been about being busy. I don’t even know what I am busy with sometimes. All I know I had work, and then I met up with a couple of friends now and then and pretty much just about work. It’s pretty routine but I don’t find any “mundane” about it yet. Perhaps it’s because of my job scope where I will wake up in the morning and facing the unknown of possibilities and situations that day. I like the thrill of it. Waking up, getting ready for work and not sure what I will face that day. I just seems to enjoy my work. I do have some complaints but it’s parts and parcel of the job and life, I guess. No job is perfect. There are always that pros and cons, the ups and downs of the job (and even life!). But, if you enjoy what you do, then there’s nothing really much to complaint.

I’m not sure how people’s 2013 started but I know mine started on the bad side. 2013, at least for the month of January, is about doing something new, something for the first time, something that if I don’t do it now, I would still have to do it later. It was bad, just bad and I thought I couldn’t handle the stress and load that was coming with it. But with little encouragement from friends and family, a little motivation from within myself, I am like Hey! I can do this. If I don’t do it now, I would still have to do it later. Might as well, suck this all it and just do it. And so I did. It was about 3 months ago and I realised that I have always had this fear when I am doing something for the first time. But I’m over it now and I think I am handling it well myself. Of course with the help from friends, family and colleagues. (:

A couple of weeks ago, my dad asked me what’s next in life. All I did was stared at him and went like, oh no, I’ve no idea. I am planning to take my masters in 2014, yes. I already have a job, checked. I had travelled after graduation and am still planning to travel more, uh uh. But what my dad was trying to hint me was whether I am ready for the next part of life; finding someone to share my life with. And this whole issue of getting together, being in a relationship have been bugging me. Because one, my dad isn’t the only who have been asking and two, almost all of my friends are getting somewhere. I haven’t give a lot of consideration or a lot of thinking about this issue. Not until my dad asked me about. Right now, I feel as I am back in secondary school, facing these peer pressures all over again. Back then, I thought I would have gone through the phase of peer pressure and not facing such when I am an adult. But nope, I am having these peer pressures on me. #LIFE.

That aside. Spent about 4 days at Bangkok with Jouie. First time being there and well, I think I will give it another chance next time. It was a nice short trip out of Singapore during the break. Rested, shopped and ate. I realised I haven’t been going for a short trip since forever. Most of the trips I went took at least 14 days and above. It was weird packing so little things and carrying a light luggage. But I guess it’s something that I have to settle with during the short break that we had. Bangkok was fun with Jouie. Learnt lots of things and experience quite a culture there. Would probably find some time in 2014 to head back there since I have (sort of) plans for summer, autumn and winter trips in 2013.

A pretty quick update today. I really hope I have more time to blog because I miss doing so.

Then again, I have no idea who exactly reads this. OTL.

till then,
toodles (:

Winter 2012


Currently, having caramel macchiato and the most awesome tiramisu I ever tasted at a Twosome Place, a dessert cafe located at Myeon-dong, Seoul. This cafe apparently replaced the awesome spicy octopus dish that I had back in winter 2010 and summer 2012 holidays. Was so disappointed when I came this time round and found out that the shop had closed and replaced by this cafe. BUT! I am not complaining. This a Twosome Place actually serves tiramisu that you could die for. One of the best I had! The coffee .. Are just coffee because I think the caramel macchiato that I had at Holly’s Coffee cafe was the best coffee I had in Seoul, ever. But the best cafe I ever been to, is the Conan Cafe located at Hongdae. A small cozy cafe with good coffee and toast, where you can just chill with your friends.

Oh, so much words. Would love to insert the pictures of these cafes but currently using the iPad to blog out. Didn’t bring out the laptop because one, I forgot to charge it before hand and two, I’m lazy to bring. And have I mentioned that I love Myeondong? Probably because it is the first area that I stayed during my first trip down to Seoul. I think it’s more because.. I don’t know. I just like it here. The crowd, the people, the cafesssss. Speaking of which, there’s actually this cafe here which run by handsome guys, but it’s Sunday today and they close on Sunday and I can’t go there right now to chill my last night away. ): it’s not because of the guys okay? The cafe is just cosy enough to spend the time alone and relax or read a book or something.

Yup, it is the last night of my winter 2012 holidays and I think I am coming back next year, during summer. hopefully! This isn’t a solo trip but a trip with the best friend who is currently back at home, resting while I am here, enjoying a cup of coffee and the awesome tiramisu on my last night. I love winter, I love cold weather and I like warm weather. I don’t know. I just like coming here ok? But I really really love winter. Just that my body hates it. Totally prone to getting frost bites and I have to wrap myself up fully WHICH I did not exactly do it. HAH.

Christmas songs are currently playing at almost every shops around here because Christmas is just around the corner. It would be nice to spend the festive season with someone, I think. haha. Winter is making me feel a little lonely. Really. But then again, my life just started and I think my career life just started and I’m trying to piece my life together after mugging/studying for almost 16 years! I see no room for relationship in the next couple of months. And the plan to going back to school in 2014/15 is already on its way.

Ugh, love the way my life is right now, like the way how the plans are like, hate the fact that I’m such an indecisive person.

There are so many things going on in my head right now and the cafe closes at 11pm.. So … I’m going use whatever time is remaining to keep the thoughts going and hopefully make them comprehensive enough for me to type things out.

A little late, but I am done with school! Graduated with Bachelor of Pschology from James Cook University. Currently working and totally loving the job. It’s got to be one of the most rewarding job, ever! Apparently, most of my friends and family members didn’t expect me to take an education role after the expensive degree and all the stress I went through but this is something that I had wanted for a really long time. So my personality when I’m with my friends/family doesn’t match with what I am doing but really, those who actually know how I am with kids, I am actually a totally different me. And nope, I am not pretending. It is just the way I am. Why must I pretend to be someone I am not and at the end of the day, I am just too tired pretending? Right? So chill.. I really love this job. I foresee myself being here for a while. So stop judging and give me some motivation and support alright? My parents, both the mum and dad, had been supportive from the start. And I am really thankful for them. Plus Syaherah? She got to be my best friend ever. From the start of my horrendous draft for my résumé to the interviews, she was there and am still here. Love her a lot, really.. Although… I never exactly express my love to her. Hahahahahaha. In fact, Nur Syafinah Adnan and Maimunah Mansor were there for me too. Really, these two juniors of mine actually brings colors, laughters and nonsensical stuff in my life, almost EVERY day. Love you girls ok? Hhaha.

The last part sound so cheesssssyyy. I think the winter cold is getting on my emotional side. Or maybe it’s the coffee. I don’t know. Hahaha. This is ridiculous, I think I am having mood swing. Hahahahahaha. Or emotional under control. Hmm, I am not making any sense, am I? I am just typing whatever is coming through my mind. Right, so..

I actually lost the train of thoughts because this cute little Korean kid just called her mom loudly in this somewhat serene and quiet cafe. Hahaha. Oh man, I’m going to miss this place real bad. Why can’t the cafes in Singapore be this awesome? 서울.. 많이 좋아.. ^^

Ugh… My Korean is so bad right now. My teacher is probably gonna whack me when I go back for lessons. Gonna plead to her to be extra nice to me next year. And got to revise before I go back for lessons. So exciting yet so stressful.

Alright, the cafe is going to close in about 14 mins, and there are still so many thing on my mind. Ridiculous how my thoughts are running from here to there and everywhere. 2012 is going to end, and as much as I love 2012, it has been really a good year, I can’t wait for 2013. I wonder what surprises are install next year. This would probably not be the last post of the year. I am sure I will be logging in soon to do the end of the year post. Just need to gather my thoughts more… Organized. Teeeehee.

This time round, didn’t meet any new friends. But it’s okay. There will always be a next time. The highlight for this trip is probably the meet ups with Jin (: she’s all grown up now and I had the best time hanging out with her. So thankful that she’s in Seoul. Won’t be able to see her here next year onwards since she will be at Australia, pursuing her degree.

Okay, this is really the end. The cafe going to close!

till then,

p/s: I can’t wait to be back ^^ 안녕히 주무세요!

Don’t Wanna..

I’m fucking fine, is that what you want to hear? I’m not actually and if you’re going to ask why. I don’t know, I don’t know, I. DON’T KNOW. Everything just bothers me. Stupid small things tick off my temper. I wake up every morning dreading to go to school. I simply don’t like anything. I think I’m losing my fucking mind. I don’t who or what to believe. I don’t even know who to go to anymore to talk. You ask me what’s wrong. Not realizing maybe it’s you and all your shit load of bs. There is that an answer that satisfies you?

– credits to tumblr.

Have been having mood swings lately. Just, mood swings.


I am counting down, hell yeah I am.
When 1st of June 2012 arrives, I cannot wait to tell the world that I am done with my thesis, done with school (for now). I want to sprawl on my bed, hours long. No one should disrupt the peace that I am planning for myself after submission. I just want to me alone and indulge in this little space that I am creating for a moment to breathe, freely and adjusting myself to the new phase. Ice creams, yes. I am going to have ice cream with fellow schoolmates before isolating myself just that day.

Hell yeah, I can’t wait.

Right now, I am dreading everything. Dreading the number of words I have, dreading the number of editing I need to do. Dreading the mess in my room, in my head. Dreading everything that is being pushed towards me. Dreading the weather, dreading the traffic. Basically, dreading everything. The minute I open my eyes every morning till the minute I close my eyes to sleep at night. Dreading, dreading, dreading.

But it’s all going to be over soon.
And I am going to miss this, somewhere, in the future. The life of a Student.

That being said, amidst all these dreading(s) and catching up with work and sleep, I have been enjoying a good variety of music to accompany me through the days and nights. From old English pop songs to classical orchestra works to recordings of the pieces from the bands I had performed with to Korean music to Westlife songs (on repeat, shuffle mode, from their old songs to current singles) to every kind of music that I have came across and enjoyed myself. And this music inspiration or whatever you called, started out with just a simple video posted by my conductor on facebook.

I think music is one of those things in life that can tugged that little heart of ours. I don’t know why, but I was greatly moved by this simple music. Doubt it will happen in Singapore, but I would love to be part of this, somewhere, someday. I think the only reason why I was moved by this is just because I had enough of stuffs that is going on around me. And somehow, this is kind of a ‘reliever’ I need and had. Never felt better that morning than any other mornings I had so far. And just because of this, I went on to search other music that had probably touched me or give me some send of ‘relax state of mind’ which is what I really need now.

A short update, I guess although I urged to type more. No time, need to get ready for class.

11 more days baby!